


Apology Kittens

by Esyla



Series: You Don't Have To Be Insane in the Inquisition, But It Helps [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluffy, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I blame tumblr for the direction this took, Just Add Kittens, everything can be solved by kittens., i am a liar, it was going to be serious, no it wasn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3167084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esyla/pseuds/Esyla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisitor Illya Rae Lavellan is realizing that maybe making out and then punching her commander is not the proper response to being told he is no longer taking Lyrium. Also Vivienne is plotting something.</p><p>------</p><p>“The point is he is not allowed to die.” Illya tried to explain.</p><p>“You do not express concern for another’s healthy by physically assaulting them!”</p><p>“He was armed at the time!”</p><p>“That still isn’t the proper response!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apology Kittens

**Author's Note:**

> NO ONE EXPECTS THE KITTEN INQUISITION!

“So hypothetical question.”

“I don’t like this already.” Cassandra sneered. Illya ignored her. It had finally stopped raining in Crestwood and it was the first clear night to boot. The seek was not going to spoil her stargazing time.

“Say that you knew someone who stopped taking a liquid. Stopping taking it is good because it means that they don’t have to be dependant on it. But stopping also means they are going to be in pain and could possibly die.” Illya began never looking away from the dark sky above her. She had opted not to build a tent tonight and was instead sleeping in the open air.

“This is starting to sound familiar.” Cassandra slowed in her cleaning of her armor.

“Now say this someone told you that they had stopped taking lyrium and you kind of sort of punched them and then did something a little meaner to them?”

“You didn’t” Cassandra had a true range of all the levels of ‘upset’ a single voice could have.

“How would one apologize for that?” Illya asked.

Later when Cassandra was done yelling at her for being a horrible person and the worst friend in the history of Thedas they got back to the conversation.

“The point is he is not allowed to die.” Illya tried to explain.

“You do not express concern for another’s healthy by physically assaulting them!”

“He was armed at the time!”

“That still isn’t the proper response!”

“Says Queen of Shouting at Things Until they Like Her!”

“At least I have friends!”

“So do I!”

Both women turned to look at Varric who was sitting on the other side of the fire. He stopped what he was doing and deliberately walked into his tent. No help from him then.

The problem was that Illya didn’t have any experience with this… type of thing. She could do all the other stuff and if she couldn’t do it she could pretend to do it for long enough. There had just never been an opportunity to…. no that was wrong. She had had plenty of opportunities. There were three different boys back in the clans of the Free Marches that had made their interest in courting her known to the Keeper. Illya tried to remember their names. There was the shorter one with red hair who was to be his Clan’s Keeper. The hunter with silver hair and funny stories. And…… the dark haired boy who was….. blast.

She had just never cared. What was the point? She had things to do and none of them were that interesting. They could be friends but she couldn’t imagine spending every day and night in their company. As for more carnal areas she could handle that herself when the need arose. If you couldn’t do something yourself why make someone else do it? What was the point in that?

Illya thought about how she would feel if Dorian told her he might die. The thought made her sad and a little upset (Illya spent the better part of the next day aggressively hugging Dorian without ever explaining why) but she didn’t feel the urge to tear things to pieces with her bare hands at the thought.

For not the first time she wished her grandfather was still alive. He had been her best friend as a child. The only human in her clan. The man who taught her everything. By then he had been more Dalish than human but he had the best stories of human and the greatest advice about how to deal with them.

He would have liked Cullen.

Illya screamed into her pillow until Sera came into the tent to find out where the funny noise was coming from.

“What is courting etiquette?” Josephine looked up from the letters she was reading when the Inquisitor finally spoke up from her place on the floor. Illya had been groaning softly while reading some letter herself.

“For what class and country?” Josephine asked in response. The gifts and customers tended to vary widely.

“I have no idea.” Illya went from sitting to laying spread eagle on the floor. Josephine considered this for a moment.

“I have a few books on the subject I could lend you.” Illya rolled herself into a ball and then sprung up from the floor.

“Yes please.”

It was only later that Josephine realized not a single letter had contained any mention of courting. She had assumed that Illya wanted to understand a reference but now she wasn’t so sure.

There was a bucket of ice in his office when he got back from training with the recruits. Cullen knew he hadn’t run into any of the runners or serving staff to ask for this. Maybe they were just starting to catch on to the routine.

Cullen was collecting some dispatches from Josephine when Vivienne came gliding in looking like the cat who got the mouse.

“Ah, exactly the people I wanted to speak with.” Viv smiled. Cullen really would rather not be here. She made him nervous in the wrong kind of way. Like being back in training. Knowing that saying the wrong thing would mean running around the pitch at lunch. “I have some tantalizing discoveries I need investigated. Leliana has already heard this but I think both of you should as well.”

“Oh?” Josephine looked up from her massive desk of paper work.

“I do believe our dear Inquisitor might have royal blood.” Viv looked smug.

“What?” Cullen heard himself ask. How could that possibly be a thing amongst the Dalish.

“Through her human grandfather.” Viv continued clearly knowing exactly what he was confused about.

“I knew she had a human family member but what makes you think he was royal?” Josephine asked looking interested, the traitor.

“We were speaking about how such a man could possibly have become part of a Dalish clan when Illya revealed her grandfather’s origins. It appears he was found nearly fatally wounded but alive amongst a burning caravan. In the Free Marches. And our dear Illya says she has much the same coloring as her grandfather.” Vivienne didn’t smile here, she clearly wanted to make Cullen and Josephine work it out for themselves. Too bad Cullen didn’t have the faintest idea what was going on. “Remind me my darling, when was it that the Romaneli line was wiped out?”

“Maker’s breath!” Josephine exclaimed. “You are correct. The timing of such an event is rather remarkable. And the Prince’s nephews were never found alive.”

“She has some of his things. A ring and an amulet her grandfather had on him the day he was found. Illya keeps them for good luck. I thought perhaps…..”

“I shall inquire immediately through the proper discreet channels.”

Cullen left then. Not wanting to be a part of whatever was happening. Only it followed him to dinner.

 

Vivienne didn’t normally eat with the majority of the Inquisition at meal times. She tended to sit with the nobles and Josephine but this night there were no nobles and Josephine was too busy to come to the hall to eat. Cullen tended to eat in the mess with the soldiers but some of the other had roped him into coming to the great hall for a meal tonight. He had forgotten that seating in the hall still slightly depended on rank. Which meant he was sitting next to Illya and across from Vivienne.

“When do you suppose you are to head out to the Western approach?” Vivienne asked. Illya looked annoyed but that was mostly because she had a mouthful of food and chewing seemed to be taking longer that usual.

“In a week or so.” Illy finally answered. That’s right, she would be heading out with the group to follow that Warden. Alistair. Cullen had tried not to think too seriously about the man because that last two times the Warden had appeared in Cullen’s life had been two particularly low points. The circle. Kirkwall. He had lost track of the conversation.

“I still believe it might be advantageous for us to at least consider marriage as an option for alliance and strengthening the Inquisition.”

“I doubt anyone is going to want to marry Sera.” Illy snorted.

“Stop being obtuse my dear. It isn’t attractive.” Vivienne replied calmly.

“Good. My goals are not to be attractive to men.” Illya put down her fork and knife. “If you care so much about making the Inquisition strong perhaps you should get married Vivienne. Because I have no intention of joining.” And then Illya stormed off without finishing her food which says a great deal about how upset she was.  

Cullen looked at the mage who didn’t seem even the least bit upset.

“Was that necessary?”

“Yes.”

**  
**  
  


Illya was hanging upside down from the ladder that lead to his makeshift bed chamber when Cullen returned from dinner. She did this from ladders, he had seen before, but this was the first time in his office. She hooked her feet on a rung or two above her knees and then just hung upside down, sometimes sitting up to clear her head only to return to the inverted position. Cullen didn’t ask was she was doing there, he just went to his desk and got back to work.

“I’m sorry.” Illya said after a while. Cullen paused in the report he had been writing. It took great effort not to look up at her, seeking more information. He had started to realize that Illya tended to continue if she didn’t have to make eye contact. She never made eye contact when she was struggling with something, he had noticed at the war table first.

“About hitting you and getting angry.” Illya sighed, never sitting up. “I dont like the idea of you in pain.” She swung back and forth. “And I don’t tend to handle….” She waved her hands, “concern well.”

“I see.” Cullen wasn’t sure what was expected of him in this instance.

“If you are the one making yourself hurt it’s not exactly like I can beat you up for being mean to yourself.” Illya sighed and unlocked her feet, dropping down from the ladder with a little flip. “But if it does hurt, you can tell me.” Cullen was struck by how out of character this was for Illya.

“Are you going to punch me if I do?” He wondered. Illya sighed.

“Cassandra says that would be wrong.” Illya shuffled her feet and dragged her nails across the wood grain of his desk. “Because you aren’t supposed to hurt your friends, you have to hurt the people that hurt them.” Illya leaned across the table and took hold of the neck of his armor. “I care about you.”

“Um.” Cullen was blindsided by this development. Normally when Illya was serious she avoided eye contact and tried to carve things into the wood with her daggers. This was not normal. Her lavender eyes looked fierce. “Same?” Was that his voice. Illya smiled in a dazzling display, leaned forward and kissed him for a fraction of a second.

“Good because Cole found a litter of kittens and they are in your room now. BYE!” And she was gone.

“What?”

“MEOW!” came tiny cries from the loft above his office. Andraste’s flaming ass how was this his life?

**  
**  


“But I didn’t find kittens.” Cole tells Solas.

“Excuse me?” The mage turns back to the spirit unsure exactly where the conversation as gone.

“She found the kittens and thought they would be a good way to say sorry. Soft and cute and there to cuddle when the nightmares come. They don’t sleep at night. Tiny voices to make the pain go away. She has it right.”

**“She is good like that.” Sola agreed. Illya was quite good at what she put her mind to.**

**Author's Note:**

> I dont even know anymore. I am falling asleep at the library right now. this chair is too comfortable.


End file.
